


you are my beginning and end

by piecesofgold



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Crossover Pairings, F/F, F/M, Past Character Death, raven/izzy centric, sorry for so many tags this isn't as messy as it looks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 08:12:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7161860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piecesofgold/pseuds/piecesofgold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Your optimism isn't helping matters, Lightwood," Raven says dryly. Isabelle huffs out a laugh. "I mean, what can we possibly gain from all this? Hope for another civilisation? Fuck that."</p><p>"I gained you," Isabelle responds. "I'm grateful for that."</p>
            </blockquote>





	you are my beginning and end

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [you are my beginning and end](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8068582) by [Darkness_Inside](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkness_Inside/pseuds/Darkness_Inside)



> I...honestly have no excuse for this other than the fact I may have accidentally founded the Raven/Isabelle crackship. Also, Z Nation.
> 
> a lil raven/izzy vid by the lovely maría; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kc7fFep3jvU
> 
> enjoy!

Everything hurts.

It's stupid. Her whole body feels like it's on fire and all she's concerned about is _don't let them smell the blood don't let them smell the blood_.

Bellamy had warned her about the bandits circling the perimeter - Octavia had encounted them a few days ago and got a bullet to the shoulder (Raven and Lincoln had a hard time convincing Bellamy not to walk out there and tear the guys head off).

And now here Raven is, half hidden under a truck, bullet in her spine - bleeding out on the side of a burned out deserted street.

Of fucking course.

It'd been bad, the last few days. They'd stopped going out on rounds after Octavia's attack, and because the herd of grounders didn't seem to be moving. They'd stayed too long. Even Clarke, despite her authoritative and determined nature, admitted defeat.

"We can wait them out," she'd told them as they stared at the slow-moving herd from the roof of apartment they were squatting in (Raven doesn't care what Bellamy or Lincoln says, this place isn't a home; Arkadia's settlement is home - this place was temporary as result of a supply run gone wrong). "We've got enough supplies for another four or five days."

"Arkadia probably thinks we're dead by now," Raven had grimaced. Clarke shot her a look, but didn't respond. Raven knew she was thinking the same.

That was three days ago. There wasn't enough water. Hence the reason Raven had thought it'd be a good idea to slip out at dawn for a quick supply run.

She'd made it a mile on foot before the bandits had swerved around the corner and opened fire. They'd taken her bag and radio before taking off again.

 _Stupid, stupid_.

Raven groans, trying again to shift herself over. Pain flares up her spine, legs paralysed. She's barely able to turn her head enough to cough up blood.

This wasn't how she'd planned on dying. Then again, no one really plans anything but a fight during the apocalypse.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees three or four grounders slowly dragging themselves over to her, hands reached out. The smell of them makes her gag.

She's lightheaded with pain and blood loss, her entire body aches too much to reach for the dagger at her side.

Raven's just about to accept her fate before she hears the unmistakable _thwack_ of an arrow hitting skull and brain. The grounders fall in a heap beside her.

"Alec, wait - is she alive?" A woman's voice hisses. Alec?

It doesn't matter. Raven blacks out before she hears Alec's response.

-

The next few minutes, she catches groggy snippets of an argument.

"We can't _leave her here_."

"Izzy, look at her! She's lost too much blood, she'll slow us down, maybe she's got people with her -"

Raven feels tentative fingers on her face, then succumbs back to the darkness.

-

Pain. That's all she feels.

Someone's carrying her. Her back hurts. She can't feel her legs.

-

"You shouldn't have brought her back, we have no idea who she is." New voice. Not Alec or Izzy. "She could be a bandit!"

"A bandit without a weapon? Jace, be serious." Ah, there's Izzy. "She was bleeding out in the middle of the street, no weapon, no bags. Even bandits take care of there own. She's alone."

 _I'm not alone_ , Raven wants to bite back. But she can't. Her throats dry and her eyes won't open and everything below her waist is numb with agony.

She slackens, again.

-

"You probably can't hear me," Raven distantly hears Izzy say, "but we've removed the bullet from your spine. There was some internal bleeding, but we patched you up. We think." She pauses, and Raven feels fingers card through her loosened hair. "Wake up, pequeño pájaro. You're not done fighting yet."

 _Little bird_. Her mama used to call her that.

-

Three days after her surgery, Raven wakes up.

It's dark. She's on a bed. An actual bed. In a small, dark box room.

Her dagger is on the makeshift bedside table beside her, along with a bottle of water and aspirin.

Raven almost cries, right there and then. Aspirin is something people in Arkadia hadn't seen in a long time.

Arkadia.

Clarke. Bellamy. Octavia. Lincoln.

Panicked, Raven attempts to pull herself up, and immediately cries out in pain.

The door swings open, and - okay, _wow_.

A girl probably not much older than Raven walks in, and if Raven wasn't in so much pain she'd probably be slackjawed right now, because _holy shit this girl is beautiful_. Her eyes are dark, skin honey-coloured, black hair framing her face. She's wearing a t-shirt, torn jeans and - _are those heels_?

The girls eyes light up when she sees Raven wide awake, a relieved smile breaking out across her face. "Our pequeño pájaro is awake."

"Don't call me that." Raven shuts her eyes, takes a deep breath. "Who the hell are you people, and where am I?" She demands, hand closed around her dagger.

The girl holds her hands up in surrender as an older boy appears behind her. His matching dark eyes watch Raven's dagger warily, but he makes no move to disarm her.

"Easy, pequeño pájaro. I'm Isabelle, this is my brother, Alec." Isabelle slowly makes her way into the room and sits down at the foot of the bed. "You're safe here."

"Where exactly is _here_? Where are then rest of my group?" Her heart's pounding now. _Surely they came looking for her_.

"Some gratitude would be nice," Alec huffs. Isabelle shoots him a look.

"Brooklyn," Isabelle answers easily, never breaking eye contact. She frowns the last question. "We never came across another group in the city."

Well, shit.

"I need to go," Raven starts to pull the covers off of her, winces as she moves her legs across the mattress.

Isabelle is there in a second, gently pushing her back against the mattress.

"You're going nowhere with that leg," Isabelle deadpans. "You're able to move it, which is a good sign, but walking is another matter altogether."

"My people -" Raven starts to protest.

"I'll send a patrol back into the city to find your people if you tell us where they are, and we will bring them back here," Isabelle cuts her off.

Raven wavers. She can't walk, she can't fight. She's out of options.

"They should still be in New York, they won't leave if they haven't found me." God, she hopes. "Clarke Griffin, Bellamy and Octavia Blake, Lincoln Woods. Osborne Apartments on 57th."

Isabelle turns to Alec, who nods. "What name should we give them to make them trust us?" Alec asks.

Raven smiles grimly to herself. "They won't trust you, period. Just...tell them Wrenchmonkey sent you."

Isabelle smiles, amused. Raven decides she likes that smile. She likes Isabelle.

-

As promised, a patrol is sent to New York the next afternoon. Raven prays the others haven't left yet. She misses them already.

The rest of the Brooklyn apartment clan soon take curiosity in their new awakened visitor, although Isabelle seems to be trying her best to keep them at bay.

She's still calling Raven "little bird". Raven finds she doesn't mind all that much so long as Isabelle keeps coming into her room with a smile (and usually a meal).

Eventually, she meets Clary, a fiery haired bright eyed girl who looks far too small for the machete she wields. She's sweet, offering to wash Raven's hair while she's still bedridden.

"It's lucky Alec and Izzy found you when they did," Clary comments, brushing out Raven's damp hair, "we thought you weren't going to make it, at first. There was a lot of blood." She goes quiet after that. Raven covers her hand with her own.

"Thank you," she says, offering a small smile. "I know I've been kinda bitchy the last few days -" Clary smiles at that, "- but I am grateful. You people saved my life."

It's quiet for a moment. "Jace wouldn't have kicked you out, you know," Clary tells her. "It might seem like he doesn't care, but he does. He just...hasn't had a great life. Even before the end of the world."

"You two together?" Raven inquires, recognising the softness in Clary's voice.

Clary laughs. "Yeah. The night after we went on our first date, the world went to shit. I've been with him and Izzy and Alec for the past two years. Sucks, but I love them. I love him."

"Must be nice," Raven swallows, "having someone like that at a time like this."

Clary blushes. "It is."

The next day, Clary raids a clinic and brings back crutches. Raven actually cries when she's presented with them.

Her leg throbs, a makeshift brace being all that prevents her from collapsing, but it's something.

Isabelle makes sure to always leave aspirin at her bedside.

On her feet, she's introduced to the rest of their group. The loft is surprisingly large, four bedrooms including Raven's box room, two bathrooms ( _with working bathtubs_ but no shower), a kitchen and a balcony overlooking a park (well, it would be if there wasn't a barricade in the way).

Isabelle introduces her to them as Little Bird, since Raven hasn't told them her name yet. There's Simon, a tall goofy kid with glasses and a scar on his forehead. Magnus, a short Asian man with glitter on his eyelids, the owner of the loft and Alec's boyfriend, who's priorities seem to consist of barricading doors and conserving alcohol (the sight of so much vodka and rum makes Raven weak at the knees - she can't remember the last time she got drunk). Maureen, a tall black girl with wild hair and a shotgun. Raphael, Simon's boyfriend, a brooding guy who didn't talk much but still offers Raven a tight smile.

Isabelle introduces her to Simon and Raphael in fond Spanish, and it's a strange relief for Raven to be able to talk in her first language.

That makes ten of them, including the two who aren't there, and Raven.

"You've met Alec; he's in New York with Jace and Lydia," Isabelle continues, "they should be back soon." They're on the roof now, sat watching a small group of grounders trail down a deserted street. It's boiling - Raven distantly remembers a time when heat like this meant beaches and bare skin and pool parties.

"It's been six days," Raven's hands grip her bottle of water tighter, trying to keep the panic of _what if_ at bay.

Isabelle gives her a long look, then tentatively reaches out and takes Raven's hand, titling her head to meet her eyes. Raven's stomach rolls, heart fluttering.

"We'll find them, pequeño pájaro. I know my brothers better than anyone, they won't give up until your people are found." It's so sincere and honest, Raven can't do anything but nod. She squeezes Isabelle's hand before turning back.

It's so quiet. Raven doesn't think she'll ever get used to that, the silence. Living in the city, she was so used to the constant low hum of cars and technology and machinery. Finn, with his headphones and music on loud. Gina and her radio on low as she read through her books.

Books. She misses books, too. And Gina.

A slow ache starts in her chest at the memory of her late girlfriend. It's been a year and a half since the day their old camp has been overrun with grounders, killing almost everyone.

Jake.

Atom.

Wells.

Finn.

Roma.

Gina.

She'd shot Finn as soon as he turned, but Bellamy had to take Gina down. Raven's hands were shaking too much, tears blurring her vision. They still had nightmares about that day. Clarke never fully recovered from having to kill Wells, either.

Her hands must have started shaking, because Isabelle began drawing circles with her thumb gently, asking "You alright?"

Raven takes a deep, shaky breath, shifting closer to the beautiful girl sat next to her and smiling. "I'm good."

There's a pause as Isabelle looks away. Raven stares at for a second, before blurting out, "Raven. My name's Raven."

Isabelle turns back, surprised, then laughs. "Raven. Not too far from Little Bird."

"Y'know what, I've always hate that nickname, but it doesn't sound so bad when you say it." It isn't supposed to come out so profoundly, and she was about to apologise until she saw Isabelle's gaze soften.

"Lucky I don't plan on stopping, then," Isabelle says quietly. They're still holding hands.

Raven thinks about kissing her, just for a moment, then turns her flushed face away.

Isabelle doesn't draw her hand away. They don't move again until Clary calls them down for food.

-

Over the next few hours before turning in for the night, Raven learns small parts of each person in the group.

Simon can play guitar, and Maureen sings. After they've eaten, Simon retrieves a fairly battered one from his and Raphael's room and sits strumming, as Maureen sings quietly under her breath breath. It's a sad song, one about losing the one you love (Raven then remembers Maureen's girlfriend Lydia went to the city with Jace and Alec. Her heart aches for the other girl). Raphael sits on the floor, gazing at Simon with such love and adoration that Raven feels the need to look away.

Isabelle and Raphael don't _actually_ hate each other - it's almost like a running joke. Every so often, Isabelle will prod him, he'll glare at her, she'll smile innocently. Perhaps there'll be a short spat in Spanish. Later, though, Raven watches them wash the plates together, sees Raphael mutter something to Isabelle, and she throws her head back and laughs (the laugh that makes Raven's heart flutter and stomach drop), gently nudging Raphael's shoulder.

Clary draws. Raven watches her as she sits cross-legged on the rug, paper-pad in her lap and pencil in hand, completely absorbed. She draws a woman's face, not one that Raven recognises. When Simon sees, he places a comforting hand on her shoulder; Clary smiles sadly up at him.

Magnus facade of carelessness is just that; a facade. He watches all of them from where he sits, making quiet conversation with Maureen. He wraps a blanket around Clary's shoulders and walks her to her room when she starts to fall asleep, makes sure Raven's brace isn't faulting when he sees her wincing in pain.

Every so often, his eyes will wander to the front door, brow furrowed and eyes sad, looking for someone who isn't there.

Raven feels alien in her own skin, out of place. Seeing the love and care between the people she's come to consider as friends causes a phantom pain in her chest - reminding her that these people are not hers to love, they are under no obligation to trust or even care about her. Yet here she is, sat between a beautiful girl who calls her Little Bird and a boy who uses music to distract him from the end of the world.

-

The banging wakes her up. It's pitch black, and Raven's barely coherent as she reaches for her brace and dagger.

Something is pushing against the loft door. Raven's throat tightens. _Grounders_.

Stumbling out of her room, she sees Maureen, sleep dishevelled with shotgun in hand. Magnus is beside her, gripping a kitchen knife.

She doesn't have time to headcount anyone else, because the door burst open.

Barely acknowledging Maureen's gasp, Raven throws her dagger at the first figure she sees come through the doorway.

It ducks with a yell.

Grounders don't duck, and they certainly don't yell.

"Not dead, not dead!" A woman with sleek blonde hair Raven doesn't recognise looks up at her in shock, hands up in surrender.

Maureen lets out a strangled cry, shotgun clattering to the floor. " _Lydia_."

Frozen in shock, Raven watches as Maureen stumbles forward and collapses into Lydia's arms, crying. They hold each other tightly, only pulling away to kiss each other hard.

Magnus runs forward, checking the door before catching Lydia's eye over Maureen's shoulder. "Alec -" he tries, voice shaking.

"Right behind me, with Jace," Lydia reassures him. Raven hears Isabelle behind her let out a long breath of relief.

Jace stumbles in next, along with Alec, both dirty and disgruntled. Clary, Isabelle and Magnus are on them in a second; their group hug blocks the doorway.

Raven offers Lydia a weak smile; she's shaking all over. "Sorry I just -"

"It's okay," Lydia cuts her off. She's got her arm tight around Maureen's waist, as if she's terrified of letting her go again. "Simon forgot to put the spare key under the mat, we didn't want to yell, we've forgotten the knock - we had to improvise."

"Oh, shit, sorry." Simon swears. He and Raphael pull Lydia into an apologetic hug. Lydia doesn't seem to care; all of them are just happy to be alive.

Raven wants to leave, go back to her room. This is not her joy to share.

But her heart pounds, throat tightening in panic.

If Jace, Alec and Lydia are here, where are -

" _Raven_!"

Bellamy Blake, in all his brown and freckled glory, quite literally sweeps her off her feet, picking her up and spinning round in the tightest hug of Raven's life.

"Oh my god, oh my fucking god." The dam breaks at last - Raven sobs uncontrollably into his shoulder, completely slack. She feels hands on her back, lets go of Bellamy to pull Octavia and Clarke into fierce hugs. Clarke kisses her all round her face, both of them crying. Lincoln wipes the tears from her face before engulfing her in a bone-crushing embrace.

They smell of sweat and blood and rot and dirt and home, and they're all too thin and their fingertips are digging into Raven's back, and Raven closes her eyes and lets herself sink into the embrace.

"We thought you were  _dead_ , we thought you were fucking dead and it was our fault, we're never splitting up again," Octavia rambles into Raven's shoulder. They're all shaking. "I'm so fucking glad you're okay, Reyes." Raven laughs tearfully.

"Raven, your leg -" Clarke frowns, hands resting on the other girls waist.

"Bandits," Raven answers her unasked question. "Shot in the back. Sucks, but, I'm dealing with it." Clarke smiles at her sadly.

Raven grips Octavia's hand, the other on Bellamy's back. The sound of them all breathing together gives her a comfort she hasn't felt in days.

She catches Alec's eye across the room, arms still around Magnus. "Thank you," she mouths. He smiles back at her.

The others tell her what happened later, sat at the kitchen table with food and drinks as the sun comes up. Magnus let's them crack open a bottle of vodka.

"Soon as we realised you were gone, we left the apartment," Lincoln tells her. "We searched the city for a few day before the Grounders caught up with us."

"We were cornered onto a bus, completely surrounded," Bellamy continues, "we couldn't move because the engine was bust, then Bow-and-Arrow showed up."

"Alec," Raven corrects him.

"They got us out, they told us they had Wrenchmonkey - of all the names, Raven, really? - Octavia nearly killed Blondie -"

"Lydia," Raven's laughing now, giving Octavia a fond look.

"Whatever. They got us out, told us they had you." Clarke finishes off. "We would've got here sooner, but we couldn't move past the herd."

"Have you radioed the Ark?" Raven remembers suddenly.

Lincoln nods. "Yesterday. They're expecting us back in three days."

Three days. Raven wondered if they'd even live that long.

Raven leaves them to settle in, find places to sleep (she very pointedly _does not_ notice Clarke and Bellamy loosely holding hands in the space between their sleeping bags - Jasper owes her a joint).

Navigating with only the first rays of sunlight, Raven makes her way up to the roof.

It's a flat expanse of concrete, dotted with a several large plastic barrels that all seem to be connected to each other by pipes. Raven glances around the roof, dimly illuminated by the orange beams, and spots Isabelle's hunched-over form at the edge of the roof by a big brick chimney. She takes a slow breath, then approaches the edge of the roof.

"Hey," Isabelle says as she draws nearer.

"Hey."

Raven sits down a few feet away from Isabelle, keeping her legs away from the edge. Isabelle's torch is glowing dimly between them and the stars above their heads are fading, making way for morning.

"So you met my guys," Raven attempts to start a conversation. Isabelle laughs.

"I did. They seem like good people," She pauses. "You're still here." It's said quietly, and Raven doesn't miss the tone of vulnerability.

The words should sound rude, but Isabelle's voice is so weary and small that it comes across as sad instead.

"Yeah," Raven says, one corner of her mouth twitching up in a pathetic imitation of a smile. "Can't get rid of me that easily."

"I'm glad," Isabelle whispers, and those two words are so heavy and dangerous that Raven thinks that if the sun were up they wouldn't be having this conversation at all. She definitely wouldn't be tempted to move closer, but it's dark and she's lonely and shes only known Isabelle for a week but she feels safe with her. And she's drawn to this feisty girl whose eyes are darker than the sky, drawn like metal to a magnet, and she can't pull away, even though she wants to.

They sit like that for a few more minutes, close enough to hear each other breathing, although they don't dare move to close the few centimetres of space between their knees. But Raven is painfully aware of time passing, and she knows that she needs to get back down to Magnus and report that all's clear, so she stretches her back and stands up. "We should be getting back."

Isabelle reaches for her hand on the way down. Raven doesn't pull away.

-

The herd doesn't move for weeks.

It's a nightmare. They radio Arkadia daily, only to discover that the camp is surrounded, too. No one dares moving. The only supply runs they risk are neighbourhood ones.

There's a strange sort of trust growing between the others, an agreement that it is easier to be alive together than apart. It's not real trust, not yet, but it's something, and Raven is quite sure that if they had all met Before, they would have been proper friends. As it is, their little alliance is enough.

Bellamy, Jace and Alec patrol together. Clarke and Clary bond over drawings. Octavia and Lincoln teach Simon and Maureen to fight. It's something.

Raven feels useless. No one says it, but they're all thinking it. She's in constant pain and she can barely walk. She takes comfort in keeping her hands busy, repairing walkies and any radios they find. Lincoln and Jace find a large military-style Rover in the garage of the complex across from theirs. Fixing it up is a welcome distraction from the insufferable heat and pain.

Raven, Bellamy, Isabelle, Lydia and Maureen are up on the roof one night, settled down in their usual place between the chimney and the edge of the roof, drinks in hands. The beer is bitter and the vodka too warm, but no one seems to care.

“What do you miss?” Maureen asks suddenly. Raven flinches. That's a horrible question to ask, here at the end of the world. She misses everything.

“Babe," Lydia says reproachfully. Maureen's eyes go wide.

“No, not people! Nothing like that. Not things that hurt. Just, small things. I miss films. And my phone. And video games."

None of them say anything for a minute. It's peaceful up on the roof, quiet, and the moon is huge and gorgeous, painting the buildings around them silver and white and ethereal.

"Showers,” Bellamy decides. They all make vehement noises of agreement. “Hot showers, cold showers, jerking off in showers. Showers.”

"Cameras," Lydia continues. "Photo albums. Pictures you can pin up on your wall. Pin boards."

“Music,” Raven says quietly. “Just putting headphones into your ears and being able to block out the world without getting fucking eaten.” Isabelle nods.

“What about you, Izzy?" Lydia asks. Isabelle smiles a little.

“Candy. And takeaway Chinese food. And going to the movies.” She's quiet for a few seconds, than carries on. "Going on dates. Open bars. Hot cocoa. Concerts. ASOS sales."

Something bittersweet curls in Raven's stomach as Izzy speaks. She misses all that too, all those things she took for granted just three years ago. It's strange, looking back.

"Crazy how it's been three years," Maureen says, knocking back the last of her beer with a grimace. "Feels like forever, right?"

Raven lets out a soft exhale. Thinking about time scares the hell out of her. It makes her feel like everything is expanding in her chest and she doesn't have room for anything more.

Someone in the near distance screams, a long wordless cry for help, and Raven hates that she's still so affected by it. She feels sick to her stomach.

The screaming stops abruptly and they all flinch a little.

“Poor bastard,” Bellamy says fervently. Isabelle shifts a little, uncomfortable, and her hand brushes against Raven's and there go those stupid sparks again, the flipping-over of her heart, and Raven hates herself for feeling this. There is no time for a schoolgirl crush at the end of the world.

Isabelle looks over at her and smiles gently, eyes endlessly fond, and if things were different Raven would lean forward and kiss her. As it is, all she allows herself to do is smile back.

-

They start packing as soon as the Rover and Impala are fixed. Finally, _finally_ , the herd moves on.

Raven is ridiculously proud of herself, so much so that she actually lets herself smile and laugh and flirt with Isabelle a little. Her hands have stopped shaking.

There's an unspoken agreement that everyone is going back to Arkadia with them. It's confirmed when Raven sees Alec and Magnus packing up their things and leaving them at the door.

The day before they're due to leave, they split up for final checks before they do the last of the packing. Raphael and Octavia check the perimeter and the barricades, as usual, and Raven and Isabelle make the trek up to the roof for the bird's-eye view of the city surrounding them.

All seems well, until Raven goes to the western edge of the roof.

"Izzy," she says, then louder, "Isabelle!"

"What?" Isabelle asks, rushing to Raven's side. Raven points, too shocked speak. " _Bien, mierda_ ," Izzy swears.

It's a horde moving towards the loft complex, at least twenty figures, probably more like thirty.

None of them are Grounders.

Every single one of the people in the crowd is alive and holding a gun and Raven's whole body is screaming danger and there is no doubt in her mind that this is the group who were circling them in New York, and that they're here for more.

Raven grabs Isabelle's hand and they sprint downstairs, barely registering the pain in her leg.

Raven feels sick and dizzy because everything is so fragile and she has so much to live for (Clarke and Bellamy and Octavia and Lincoln, Clary and Jace and Alec and Simon and Raphael and Magnus and Maureen and Lydia and this beautiful black-haired dark-eyed girl with her starry smiles and nicknames and effervescent hope) and _oh god she doesn't want to die_.

They crash into the loft, startling Lydia and Magnus, who are gathering things up in the front room and putting them in methodical piles. They yelp and stare up at them with wary eyes.

"What's going on?" Lydia asks.

"Where's Bellamy?" Raven demands, and she's being rude but there's no time for manners.

"Right here," Bellamy says from behind them, and Raven and Isabelle whip around. "What's wrong?"

"They're coming," Raven spits out. "The ones from New York."

Everything goes still for a moment. Then Bellamy is yelling for Clarke, Octavia and Lincoln, Isabelle runs to find Jace and Clary, Lydia pulls Maureen and Simon out of the kitchen, Magnus shouts for Alec and Raphael.

Soon, all fourteen- _fourteen_ \- of them are stood in the kitchen, guns and machetes and daggers and arrows at the ready. Raven fumbles with her gun, hands shaking uncontrollably.

She loves them. She doesn't care anymore. She loves each and every person in this room, the people she's laughed and cried and bickered with over the past few years and weeks. She's not losing a single one of them today.

-

Clarke tries to convince Raven to stay indoors because of her leg, but Raven stands her ground.

"No fucking way," Raven deadpans. "I've lost enough people I love, I'm not letting you go alone."

Alec shoots her a look that tells her he understands. If they're going to die, they'd rather go down fighting next to the people they love than alone.

Raven, Alec, Lydia and Simon take the roof, guns and arrows and Molotov's at the ready. They watch Octavia and Bellamy take out the neatest group, slitting their throats and stabbing them through the head. Raven's heart skips a beat when Clarke and Maureen just barely miss a horde of bullets; Alec and Lydia makes quick work of them, throwing the first Molotov. The bandits burn screaming. Raphael and Magnus take them out again when they come back.

Raven shoots at a handful closing in on Clary and Lincoln, and Jace and Isabelle surprise another few by jumping on them, stabbing them all clean through the head.

They throw bottle after bottle, and each one explodes on the street. Isabelle rushes back up to them with more.

The bandits shoot at them but their angle is terrible, and somehow luck is on their side. Suddenly, Simon hits Raven's arm and points. She follows his finger, then lets out a shout of triumphant laughter.

"Grounders!" She crows. She's never been so happy to see a horde of the undead.

The Grounders make short work of the remaining bandits, circling the street where the carnage took place.

All the adrenaline leaves Raven in a rush, and she sinks to the ground, the weight of what she's done, how many people she's just killed, hitting her like a brick. Isabelle sits down next to her and takes her hand and Raven doesn't feel human, really, but the contact helps a little.

"We leave at first light tomorrow," Bellamy's voice crackles over the walkie. Everyone agrees without argument.

Raven breaths deeply, slumped next to Isabelle, gun sliding out her hand. "Stay up for a while?" Isabelle breathes. Raven nods, swallowing. The sun is beginning to set, bathing everything in a beautiful orangey-golden light, and Isabelle is still holding Raven's hand.

They move to their spot next to the chimney, their feet dangling off the edge, and their fingers stay intertwined, Raven's left hand in Isabelle's right. She wonders if that's symbolic, if by linking their dominant hands they are making themselves more vulnerable to the feelings that are rising up and crashing in massive, overwhelming waves in Raven's chest. Isabelle's hands are long and elegant and strong and her skin is cool and Raven wants them everywhere, wants them to be hers. Wants Isabelle to be hers.

But this is the apocalypse and it is very possible that someday soon one of them will die. It's possible that one of them will have to pull the trigger.

"Who did you lose?" Isabelle asks quietly. There's a long, terrible, drawn-out silence that makes Raven's chest ache. She takes a deep breath.

"Her name was Gina," Raven closes her eyes. "My girlfriend. She was beautiful and funny and - and I loved her. We met in college, she made terrible coffee and drove everyone crazy with this little radio she'd carry round, listening to tapes. And she died because of me." Isabelle says nothing, and Raven is grateful for that.

"We met on our first night, we were in the same halls and everyone had gone out to drink except us. We both thought we were alone in the apartment and I was making coffee in the kitchen and she scared the shit out of me. And then we just clicked, you know? The way people do." The way you and I did, she almost says, but bites the words back. "We got a place together the next year. She was amazing."

Raven clears her throat, blinks back the tears burning in her eyes. "After the world went to shit, we found Arkadia - that's where we met the others. And it was good, we were safe. Until some idiot called Dax thought it'd be a good idea to turn off the electric fence." Fury burned in her chest; she bore it down. "We were overrun in a matter of hours, not just by Grounders, people too. It was the middle of the night, I was still in engineering, which is probably the only reason I lived, because they came through the back way, the kitchens. Where I'd told Gina to meet me after work."

Raven chokes on a sob, and out of the corner of her eye sees Isabelle staring at her, eyes wide and gentle and dark.

"They shot her, just because they could. And it wasn't even through the skull," she's crying now, sobs wracking through her frame. "I couldn't kill her, I tried, I had the gun, but my hands -" bile burns her throat as she tries to breathe. "Bellamy shot her, and we ran. Didn't even bury her."

Raven's chest is tight, and Isabelle rubs circles on her hand with her thumb, bottom lip caught between her teeth.

"I'd never forgive myself if that happened to you," Raven says, voice barely a whisper.

"Don't," Isabelle pleads, "don't talk like that."

Raven doesn't apologise because apologies are meaningless now. Most things, she thinks, are beginning to be meaningless. Because sure, the birds still sing and the wind still blows and the sun still rises and sets in all its technicoloured glory, but what's the point when all that beauty is eclipsed by constant terror and the knowledge that no matter how fast you run, someday the undead will catch up?

It's silent for a long time before either of them say anything.

"Why did this happen?" Raven almost groans, "was the world not shitty enough as it was?"

Isabelle gives her _that_ smile and shrugs. "Ah, it's not all bad."

"Your optimism isn't helping matters, Lightwood," Raven says dryly. Isabelle huffs out a laugh. "I mean, what can we possibly gain from all this? Hope for another civilisation? Fuck that."

"I gained you," Isabelle responds. "I'm grateful for that."

Raven's pretty sure her heart stops, right there and then.

Now would be a perfect moment, if any, to kiss her. But she doesn't.

"I'd like to have known you," Isabelle says after a few minutes. "Before. Maybe we could have been friends."

Raven has to grin at that. "What, like getting drunk at 2am, binge watching Netflix, complaining about life?"

" _Exactly_ like that," Isabelle laughs, and, God, she's beautiful. Even splattered with blood and ash, hair windswept, in the afternoon light she's glowing.

"Think we would have been roommates?" Raven inquires.

"I think we would have been everything."

And then they're kissing, Isabelle's lips soft and plush against Raven's and her hands are in Raven's hair and against the small of her back and Raven is overwhelmed by everything. She can't breathe, her brain is short-circuiting and her heart is going like a jackhammer, fast enough and frantic enough to hurt, and she can't get enough of the way Isabelle's tongue is twining around hers like this is the last thing either of them will ever do on this earth.

"Oh fuck," Raven whispers when they break apart to breathe, and Isabelle's eyes are shiny, pupils blown. "Oh fuck, what are we doing?"

Isabelle takes Raven's face in her hands and looks her right in the eye.

"All we can."

-

They sleep curled around each other that night, hands intertwined between them. They steal kisses in the darkness, breathing hot, hands riding up shirts and fingers raking over ribcages.

"Would you kill me?" Raven breathes into Isabelle's collarbone. The other girl goes still. "If you had to."

"Raven..." She sighs.

Raven pushes herself up on her side, stating down at Isabelle. "I mean it."

"What, now?" Isabelle teases, but her voice is tense. She runs her fingers through Raven's hair. Raven catches her hand.

"Izzy."

Isabelle swallow, barely meeting Raven's eyes. "Of course I would," she mumbles, "you know I would."

Raven nods, leans down to kiss her again.

“And me?” Isabelle asks, breathless. Raven's mouth goes tight. “Would you kill me?”

"Don't say that,” Raven says.

“You said it.”

“I know.”

They lapse into silence again, watching their fingers lace together. Raven wonders if they would have fallen into each other like this in real life, if they would have ever crossed paths, or if this vivid spark of emotions (as good or bad as those emotions might be) would only have been possible because of the virus and the accident.

“Raven,” Isabelle says quietly, and Raven looks over at her. Slowly, she nods.

“Of course I'd shoot you,” she says, and she leans in, kisses Isabelle hard, their teeth knocking together, and it hurts but so does everything else in this stupid godforsaken world.

-

They're in the cars by dawn. Raven takes the Rover, Magnus the Impala. All their supplies are packed up with them in rucksacks and plastic bags (she thinks bitterly about how her entire life at this point could be packed into one bag). The loft is almost unfurnished.

There's an off feeling about leaving this place, about returning to Arkadia after what feels like an eternity. Raven finds herself staring up at the building as they roll out onto the road. She looks up at the roof, thinking about how in the space of a month she's found and created another, larger family. How the girl sitting beside her in the passenger seat has somehow made the end of the world a less shitty place.

Glancing back, she smiles. Raphael and Simon have gone back to sleep, Simon's head resting on Raph's shoulder, hands clasped together. Maureen has her head on Lydia's lap, Lydia gently stroking her hair. Lincoln is drawing in his notebook, Octavia at his side sharpening a knife.

She can't see Alec, Magnus, Bellamy, Clarke or Jace and Clary in the car behind her, but she takes comfort knowing they're there.

Isabelle puts a hand on her thigh, raises her eyebrows. _You alright_?

Raven smiles, squeezes her hand. _I'm good_.

She is in love, she thinks, and there is nothing more stupid at the end of the world. But there's also nothing more beautiful.

It's stupid, but it's a reason for her to keep fighting. Not for a non-existent cure, not for civilisation, but for herself. For the mismatched family she's found herself part of. And most of all, for Isabelle.

**Author's Note:**

> comments welcome :)


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